When My Children Break Free, They Will Remember

When my children finally break free—
from the fog, from the fear, from the programming—
they will remember everything.

The bedtime routines.
The laughter.
The drawings.
The way I held them when the world felt too big.

Those memories didn’t disappear.
They were suppressed by survival.

How PTSD Suppresses Childhood Memories

Trauma—especially trauma caused by coercive control—forces the brain to shut down access to emotionally loaded memories.

In neuroscience, this is called trauma-induced dissociative amnesia or memory fragmentation. The child’s brain protects them by compartmentalizing the truth—because remembering love while being told that love was dangerous would create unbearable cognitive dissonance.

So they forget.
Not because it didn’t happen—
but because remembering you made it harder to survive under control.

What Coercive Control Does to a Child’s Brain

Coercive control creates:

• Learned loyalty to the dominant (alienating) parent

• Hypervigilance (don’t say the wrong thing, don’t ask about the other parent)

• Emotional detachment from their safe parent, not out of hatred—but out of fear and confusion

The brain rewires to protect the child from punishment, rejection, or guilt. They become what’s known as trauma-bonded—confused love with control, and safety with silence.

Here’s What I’ve Chosen to Do Instead of Wait in Pain

I created a digital memoir for my sons. A place filled with:

• Photos of our happiest days

• Videos of our moments together

• Notes and letters written just for them

I’m also printing albums—tangible memories they can hold.
Because when they come out of the fog, the first thing they’ll ask is: “What was real?”

And I want to be able to show them: “This was. We were. You were loved every single day.”

Why You Might Want to Do This Too

Even if you’re not in contact now.
Even if they reject you.
Even if they act like you don’t exist.

They will come looking for truth.
And when they do, don’t meet them with empty hands.
Meet them with memories, stories, proof of love.
Meet them with what the alienator tried to erase.

Help Your Child Heal When They Come Back

When your child begins to reconnect, they may:

• Feel shame

• Blame themselves

• Experience rage at the alienator

• Have emotional flashbacks

You must be:

• Calm

• Non-reactive

• Compassionate

• Validating

Tell them:

“You didn’t forget me—you survived the only way you knew how. And I never stopped loving you.”

Final Words

Alienation may take your presence from their life,
but it can’t erase the imprint of love you left on their soul.

Keep documenting.
Keep writing.
Keep loving them—quietly, patiently, with unwavering hope.

Because one day, they will come home.
And when they do, let them walk into truth, not trauma.