What Is Dissociative Retrieval Block?

Let’s talk about something most people misinterpret in abuse survivors — especially in children and protective parents:

It’s called dissociative retrieval block — and it’s not forgetfulness.
It’s a survival response.

What Is Dissociative Retrieval Block?

It’s when the brain can’t recall something it absolutely knows:

• A familiar name

• A face

• A birthday

• A memory

• A sequence of events

It happens not because of poor memory, but because the brain is actively protecting the body from emotional or physical overwhelm.

The prefrontal cortex (where memory and language live) goes offline.
The limbic system (where fear and survival live) takes over.

Why This Happens in Abused Children

Abused or alienated children are often forced to split their reality to survive:

• They may say they’re “fine” when they’re not.

• They may forget moments of abuse — or who was involved.

• They may become confused about time, details, or even affection.

This is not lying.
It’s dissociation.

They do it to preserve attachment to the abusive caregiver, avoid punishment, or comply with what they’ve been told to believe.

You’ll see:

• Confused timelines

• Sudden amnesia

• Numb responses to traumatic events

• Contradictory statements

This is not inconsistency.
This is trauma trying to preserve the child’s sense of safety.

Why This Happens in Protective Parents

Protective parents — especially in alienation or family court battles — often experience:

• Freezing when asked simple questions

• Forgetting things under pressure

• Emotional shutdown during supervised visits or legal testimony

• Feelings of blankness, dizziness, or inability to speak clearly

It’s because their body is still in fight/flight/freeze.
They’re being watched, judged, gaslit, and re-traumatized — while trying to parent and protect.

Their brain says:

“It’s safer to forget than to relive.”
“It’s safer to blank out than to speak and be punished.”

What the System Sees vs. What’s Actually Happening

What uninformed professionals may see:

• Lying

• Instability

• Inconsistency

• Withholding

• Parental alienation (used against the protective parent)

What’s really happening:

• Trauma shutdown

• Nervous system overload

• Dissociation

• PTSD symptoms

• Complex grief

What We Must Do Instead

• Train therapists, GALs, judges, and custody evaluators in trauma-informed neurobiology

• Stop judging memory errors as deceit

• Stop penalizing children and parents for survival responses

• Recognize that the calmest person in the room may be the most dangerous

• Understand that memory loss is often a sign that the nervous system is working overtime to keep someone alive

This isn’t about forgetfulness.
It’s about survival.

And if you’ve ever experienced this as a parent or seen it in your child, you’re not alone.
It doesn’t mean you’re broken.
It means you’ve been trying to survive something no one should have to.

Let’s stop punishing trauma.
Let’s start understanding it.

Because when we finally understand what trauma actually looks like —
we stop mistaking survival for sabotage.
And we start protecting who the system keeps failing.