Dissociative Retrieval Block: The Invisible Cost of Surviving Abuse
In both children and protective parents, trauma does more than hurt — it rewires the nervous system. One of the least understood and most misinterpreted effects of this rewiring is dissociative retrieval block — when the brain fails to access memory not because it is gone, but because the nervous system has classified it as dangerous to recall.
This is not forgetfulness. It is a survival strategy.
1. What Is Dissociative Retrieval Block?
Dissociative retrieval block occurs when an individual cannot access a memory, detail, or word that they consciously know. This is not a flaw in memory. It is a protective response driven by the brain’s threat detection system — the limbic brain — which overrides the prefrontal cortex, where memory, speech, and logical thinking live.
When a person is under real or perceived threat, especially during court proceedings, supervised visitation, or emotionally intense moments, the brain switches into a survival mode. In this state, anything unrelated to staying alive is deprioritized — including accurate memory retrieval.
2. How It Affects Abused Children
Children who experience ongoing abuse, coercion, or alienation often have to dissociate just to endure their environment. This means:
• They may forget details of traumatic events as a form of self-protection
• They may struggle to recall which adult did what — not because they’re lying, but because trauma clouds specificity
• They may switch narratives depending on who is present
• They may appear emotionless or numb when describing frightening events
This isn’t inconsistency. It’s survival. Their system is trying to preserve what little sense of safety remains.
Alienated children are often coached to distrust their protective parent while being forced to form an emotional alliance with the abusive or dominant caregiver. To reconcile this inner conflict, their brain may suppress emotionally charged memories, including joy with the protective parent or fear with the abusive one.
3. How It Affects Protective Parents
Protective parents — especially those navigating court battles or supervised visits — frequently experience:
• Freezing when asked simple questions
• Inability to recall familiar names, dates, or events
• Feelings of brain fog, spinning, dissociation, or emotional paralysis
This isn’t incompetence. It’s the impact of long-term trauma, compounded by institutional betrayal.
When a parent is watched, measured, silenced, and judged — especially in front of their own child — the nervous system perceives danger. Even if the physical danger is no longer present, the emotional and psychological threat is real. And so, the body responds by shutting down anything non-essential, including language and memory.
4. Systemic Misinterpretation = Further Harm
This phenomenon is rarely understood by legal professionals, therapists, or court-appointed evaluators.
As a result:
• Children are disbelieved when they give “inconsistent” accounts
• Protective parents are labeled unstable or manipulative
• Trauma symptoms are mistaken for guilt, avoidance, or pathology
This misinterpretation perpetuates abuse, alienates loving parents, and breaks children down psychologically.
5. The Neurobiology of Survival
In trauma, the brain prioritizes:
1. Fight / Flight: attack or escape
2. Freeze: go still to avoid harm
3. Fawn: appease the threat to stay safe
Memory retrieval and verbal fluency live in the part of the brain offline during these states. The individual may appear disoriented, emotionally detached, or forgetful, but they are, in fact, experiencing a nervous system override to stay alive.
6. What Needs to Change
• Trauma literacy must become a legal standard — GALs, custody evaluators, and therapists must be trained in nervous system science and trauma response
• Memory gaps must not be treated as dishonesty
• Supervised visitation must be trauma-informed and allow room for nervous system dysregulation, not punishment for it
• Alienated children must be seen through a trauma lens — their contradictions are often signs of coercion, not falsehood
7. Final Word
Dissociative retrieval block is not a flaw. It is evidence of survival.
If we continue to misinterpret trauma’s symptoms as parental unfitness or child instability, we will continue punishing those who need protection most.
To truly serve justice, we must learn to recognize what trauma actually looks like — and stop demanding composure from those who have had to endure the unendurable.
Because trauma doesn’t erase memory. It hides it — until it’s safe enough to return.
Let’s make the world safe enough for survivors to remember again.
