Victim shaming and bullying are two sides of the same coin

they both work by silencing, isolating, and controlling the person who’s already hurting.

Why victim shaming happens

• Deflection of fear: People shame victims so they don’t have to face the reality that the same thing could happen to them.

• Power alignment: Bullies often have social status or authority. By siding with them, others feel safer or more powerful.

• Projection: Unhealed people project their own shame onto the one who speaks up, so they don’t have to deal with it inside themselves.

• Cultural conditioning: Many societies subtly reward blaming the vulnerable—“What were you wearing? Why didn’t you leave sooner?”—instead of questioning the abuser.

How bullies use victim shaming

• They rewrite the story so the victim looks responsible for their own pain.

• They rally bystanders into silence by making the victim appear “too sensitive,” “crazy,” or “dramatic.”

• They keep control by flipping the narrative: the abused becomes the accused.

The deeper psychology

Victim shaming is really a defense mechanism for the group. By shaming the one who speaks truth, the group protects the bully—and avoids having to take responsibility. It’s easier to tear down the person exposing the problem than to confront the problem itself.

Key truth: Victim shaming is a tool of the bully. It tells us nothing about the victim’s worth and everything about the cowardice of those protecting power.